So, I’m going to tell a story I’ve been holding for some time.
I am no expert in life, sometimes I cannot tell if it going in the right direction. Sometimes in this world, up is down and down is up, and to go up, first we need to go down, or so it would seem. My truest gauge is how my guitar feels in my hands, how we come together and what is created out of our meeting. There can be moments when all seems bleak: but a song emerges - to teach, to guide, to lead the way forwards when the resolution to move that way is not forthcoming. This is how it often works for me.
When I was 20 I wrote a song called ‘Equilibrium’ (it comes and goes), and it became one of my band’s most popular songs. It was introspective, broody, melancholic in nature, the kind of adolescent despair and resignation mixed with faint slivers of hope that only the grunge songwriting style could offer. I was a product of my time. Two decades on, I still love the word. Balance, the great restorer of order, the middle way.
Good and bad do battle forever, in the world of man and in the minds of man. Good and bad do not exist, they are imaginary concepts that are fundamentally based in opposition of the law of nature. They are the constructs of dualistic thinking and heavily promoted by religion. That is not to say that they have not been in existence for far longer than organised / syndicated / franchised religion. In nature, things are what they are. There is no bad tree, no good animal. Even if a plant is poisonous and kills us when we eat it, it is not bad. It is what it is. Everything has its place when everything is in natural order. Judgement creates the illusion of good and bad. Time often reveals the unity and perfection that lies beneath.
Almost all of the creation stories, myths or traditional teachings from around the world speak of a time when all was one. Then, from the one, the two were created, then, often, many more were created. The nature of duality is designed to be complimentary, but in many cases it is perceived and processed as contrary or contradictory. We split the world into pairs of opposites, such as black and white without allowing for the possibility of shades of grey. Masculine contains feminine, feminine contains masculine, light and dark are complimentary, as are the day and night, the sun and the moon.
Within the world of duality there is the misunderstanding that one must aim for one, not the other, but the natural order decrees that balance is to be found, the still point at the centre. The Buddhists call this the middle way. In Ayurveda, or yogic science there are 3 aspects or gunas, Rajasic, Tamasic, and Sattvic. Each person or thing has a natural propensity to be one of these, or a combination. In an ideal way of working with this, let’s say, if someone is Rajasic in nature, they would incorporate Tamasic energy into their life to create balance, ultimately achieving a Sattvic state. When one has worked out how to become Sattvic, then they can work to maintain that state, should they wish.
For many years I lived in Buddhist countries and studied Buddhism without deeply understanding what the middle way entailed. I was rooted in Christian notions of duality and it was somewhere on the outskirts of my comprehension. The middle way made sense to me on some level, but I saw it as a narrow bridge that was easy to fall off, onto, or into, the deep and dangerous waters on either side. One day, in mediation, I saw the image of the middle way expanding, widening until it was a wide path, with room to manoeuvre. I realised that the middle way was not as I had imagined it to be, some tightrope that I must walk.
By expanding my perception of the path, I inadvertently allowed myself more space to walk, to enjoy the way, and the addictions of either side of the path, “purity or impurity” dissolved into the shallow caricatures that they are. To walk the middle way implies that one is not swayed to the good or the bad, to over-association or attachment to extremes, that one is in balance with oneself and suitably detached from fear. Essentially, one is in a state of contentment, not seeking to be ‘happy’ all the time, not running from ‘sadness’, not indulging in the fluctuations of the mind. It was a revelation, far from the Christian concept of heaven OR hell. Make a choice and deny the other.
Another way of looking at the metaphor is to see the middle as the centre, and the middle of our energetic centres (7 chakra system) is the heart, the meeting point of the above and below, the meeting of our animal nature and origin and our spiritual nature and origin. The science of the soul never ceases to amaze me at how unified it is when it is broken down into its basic elements and stripped of doctrine and dogma.
By splitting time into categories, past, present, and future, it seems obvious to say that the present is in the middle of the sequence, and in the present there is the place of peace, of liberation, of understanding of what it, whether it be around us or inside of us. Who is living this moment? What is this alive in this moment? It’s a unique vantage point to observe life from, and expansive to inhabit, even for a few brief seconds, from time to time. At present, we seem to be inhabiting the moment, or being offered the opportunity to inhabit it, become acquainted with it again. For that, the gift of these times is there to be seen and felt. Global and local uncertainty has offered us a map to the treasure chest.
I find much time to reflect, to see myself reflected in the world around me. I appreciate this time and there are times I am frustrated by it also. There are waves, strong ones that we navigate in these waters, and either on our own, or collectively, we do so together. Even Facebook has created a reaction emoticon to symbolise this (congratulations Facebook team for correctly assessing the situation and providing us with a simple gesture of solidarity. I still think you are a perverse manifestation of bizarre proportion, but I take my hat off to you for reducing the experience of life to a sympathetic emoticon).
In the world of plant medicine, and life in general (for the two are intrinsically linked, the small ceremony that lasts 4 hours and the one that lasts as many years as we live), there are many insights to be gleaned, techniques to be learned, and attitudes to embrace, or be embraced. Master keys to healing our relations, our lives, our past; all of which lead to a resurgence of natural energy in the present and that can be applied to life and learning the art of living. Of course, plant medicine is not the only way, people have been healing their timelines, along with their ancestral lines, in many ways over the course of human history.
Two of the great Master Keys could be considered to be Forgiveness and Gratitude. There are many others, but these two are what spring to mind today as I type. One of the first realisations that I ever had when I encountered plant medicine was the light bulb moment that everything was perfect, that up until that point, everything in my life had led me to that moment. How could it have been any other way?
This revelation is not unique to me, I have heard it expressed many times over the years. It may not mean everything was as we wished it to have been, but that it was what it was. From there, many things can open up and take place. It is an aspect of gratitude for all that was, all that was classified and judged as good, bad, ugly, inadequate, glorious… the list goes on. I think that by releasing the concepts of ingratitude, then much transforms, much as releasing the notion of perfection. Our parents may have been imperfect, but show me any parents who are not. That leads to forgiveness. How we forgive others, how we forgive ourselves, how we forgive the basic nature of miscomprehension that we have lived with, been educated in, and shaped by. We can play the victim forever, or any of the other roles that are closely related to it, or we can forgive, or in some cases, learn to forgive, and liberate a vast reservoir of energy with which we are able to apply to the service of creating something more meaningful, more beautiful. Energy is energy, I remember in the yoga classes I used to go to the teacher used to say emotion stands for energy in motion, and, like water, what is not in motion becomes stagnant. The resentments, the anger, the suppression leads to stagnation, to sickness and ill health. It’s very basic and I know this is nothing new, no great revelation to many.
I write this for me, to remind me. I received a birthday message from someone who once did me a great harm. It was not my perception that caused the harm, but their focussed intent to do harm to me, to my life. The event took place several years ago and I have moved on. Their message, although it was sent to wish me a happy birthday made me realise that there was a part of me that did not wish to forgive. I also recognised that in their message was hidden their need to feel forgiveness from me. I read the intention behind the message, it was almost a plea for me to extend forgiveness to them, to what they did, and I saw clearly that they understood that what they did those years ago was not well intentioned or aligned. In all of this I saw and felt the energy still contained within the walls of this story. I felt my emotions rise, the part of me that wanted to extend forgiveness, and the part that wanted to withhold forgiveness, to silently punish them still further for their transgression. I cannot claim nobility of my thoughts or emotions, only the truth that there was a mixed reaction.
What had this person done to me? Well, does it matter? Life has moved and moved in good directions. It was not easy to move for a while, but it moved and all is well. Do I want another person to suffer for my veiled need for vengeance or superiority? Do I need to suffer more because of the past, even if I do not think about it, or the person? What’s more, if there is energy locked in the story, in the bad relation that took place, then surely it is my right to claim it back, it won’t do me any harm, and it liberates me from any tie with this person or event. It also invites me to do something positive for myself with the energy. Can I extend my gratitude for the event taking place if it has led me to where I am right now? Of course, the answer is yes. It may not be an immediate fix, but it’s worth the work, I believe.
This event took place shortly before my father passed away. A few weeks later I was agonising in his house over the injustice, consumed with ideas of revenge and I heard the words, “Forgive them, for they know not what they do”. It immediately brought consolation to my heart and mind. And yet, as the years have passed there is still some element that carries the imprint of non-forgiveness.
Now, in this scenario, there were 2 protagonists. One, I held mostly responsible for what they did, the other, the one who wrote the birthday message, was only a supporting character for the main one. On the one hand, I know they both intended to do what they did, so the words “They know not what they do”, at first glance seem to be inappropriate, but from the broader context, had they been conscious (as in operating with an enlightened or semi-enlightened consciousness) of what they were doing, they would not have done it, or been capable of doing something so tangibly destructive and damaging to the life of another person. So, they knew not what they did. It’s an interesting exploration. From the human perspective, from the energetic perspective.
Sadly, our encounters with other humans and other expressions of consciousness at whatever their own stage of development and evolution, can often bring about some degree of pain or suffering, hindering rather than helping in the day to day running of the show. Releasing the attachment to the story, or to the past, releasing the energy so that it is reclaimed and restored to its rightful place is the essence of liberation. To end the suffering or perpetuate it, perhaps forever?
So, what to do? I have to admit a somewhat perverse pleasure in knowing that this person wished resolution and forgiveness to be extended, that they need it in some way. It also - after that immediate reaction of the ego - opens the space for the heart to respond with compassion for this being, and to wish for them to return to peace within this relation. She’s an old lady now, and whatever she did, was it so bad that I can deny her peace? I think the answer is pretty obvious. Or, I can blame, even on a subconscious level for some more years and wonder.
I feel life presented me with the perfect opportunity to let go of more baggage, even baggage I was unaware I was carrying. I pray that the story is forgiven and dissolved and that all energy bound up in it flows back to its rightful place in space and time. The heart is never cruel, it’s the mind that knows cruelty. It also knows remorse. When someone reaches out for forgiveness we have a choice to make. Depending on the severity of the ‘crime’, then it may be easier or harder to respond with compassion and love, but there is always a choice. For me, on this occasion, it took me some time to reach my decision, although I suspect there was no other option available to me.
It’s clear to me that on a personal level, if I want to end the old stories and enter into a new story, then forgiveness is a powerful tool. I don’t mean the intellectual forgiveness, the one that says “I forgive you”, and holds onto the memory, but the one that is the emotional forgiveness, the forgiveness that extends from the heart. How can one be free while the other suffers? I am happy this person popped up on my phone on this auspicious date to offer me the opportunity to do something for both of us, a piece of work I had neglected to do. They gave me a very special birthday present in the process, a little more understanding, a little more gratitude, a little more energy, a little more love, and a little more inclusion to begin my next circle around the Sun.
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu
May all beings be well and happy.